So, as a nation, you have the least number of vacation days in the universe. You finally get to the summer holidays, which all kids have been looking forward to all year. So do you all have a well deserved lie in?
No, of course not! Some bright spark says, "I know!! Let's all get up at 6:30 am and meet in the park and do our exercises together!!" And does everyone say " hahaha, good one ! " and go back to sleep ?
No, silly! Of course not ! They all go " what a splendid idea!" And they get up and do it.
Every day.
Wow! It's only my second favorite local custom after the "let's all get up at 6am on a Sunday morning and weed the park together!" Idea.
No problem with community weeding or community keep fit. Just not at 6am on my well earned days off.
Well I'm up walking the dog anyway, but still! You don't get ostracized if you have a day off that. Well except by the dog....
I look at my dog with no small amount of envy when we go on our morning walks.
As is usually the case with dog people, although we do try for a bit of variation now and then, we tend to follow the same route and the walk gets fitted in with the morning schedule at more or less the same time, so we tend to meet the same members of the local canine population in the same place most mornings. Leave 10 minutes late or early, and it's a whole different gang with a whole different set of woofers. Very similar to your kindergarten parents set, everyone knows everyone's dog, worries about them when they are not in the right place at the right time, and exchanges dog educational advice .
What fascinates me is how the dogs interact with each other . Like people, they have their little doggie personalities, and some are a good match, and some are clearly not . Well, like people, I suppose that's fine, and you don't need to be best friends with everyone. You just have to suppress the urges to bite each other in the name of civility if you are a person.
Ella has her stops she makes on her route. She always pauses for a little sniff chat visit with Ken the corgi (above), and although there was a period of unrequited love between Ella and Leon the "I'm sexy and I know it" golden retriever (below), now there is just a quiet being together for a short while each morning, as Leon looks off into the distance with affected disinterest. But there is a reflexive tail wagging he just can't hide. I think Leon might be the one....
There are other houses though at which we cannot call. Ban-chan the guard dog and Fu-chan the blind granny dog both have to be physically restrained when Ella sashays by, and the feeling is clearly mutual. There is also the odd case where one dog likes the other but it is clearly not reciprocated. Ella literally yelps when she sees Caesar the black lab coming in her direction, probably based on a sudden attempted rape when she was but a girl and not aware of these things, but there are times when the reason is not so clear.
So why the envy? Of course we people have all these kinds of relationships. We all have people we love, like and respect, and if we are lucky it's mutual. There are others who, try as we might, we just can't take a liking to. Something in our list of SAMEs and DIFFERENTs is different enough to be a deal breaker. There are others who love us more than we love them, and, the worst case, when we have more love or respect for someone than they feel for us.
What I envy at my age, is that dogs just seem to know in an instant when they meet each other whether this dog is friend or foe. Whether it's instinct, a smell, or a look, a message is conveyed in the split second, just before they meet. It tells them not only "match" or "no match", but also which is the stronger one in the pair. And then they are free to vent their feelings in a cacophony of barking which only stops when they are physically wrenched apart.
Don't get me wrong, I realise dislike can be instantaneous in humans too. A few nights in the ladies toilets of night clubs in Edinburgh will teach anyone that expressing incompatibility in a cacophony of yelping, barking and sometimes even biting is not confined to the canine world either . But in general there is a lot more time, and many a self doubt inspiring red herring involved in the discovery that being involved with certain people gives you more stress than pleasure in the great cost-benefit analysis of life.
I've long had the idea that if someone could invent a device like a memory stick /card reader, into which all our likes and dislikes , prejudices and philosophies, lifestyle preferences, senses of humour and style, sexual orientation and proclivities, whether or not we squeeze the tooth paste tube in the middle or the end, how many children we want, degree of empathy and flexibility, communication style, ways of processing information, how we treat our friends, how we prioritise things, and just general mood for the day could be programmed or read, with a daily update to allow for changes of heart and circumstances, and we could just slot our stick into the other person' s reader (ooh aaar mrs) when we met them and get a compatibility print out, it would save a lot of wasted time and heart ache. You could have options to change the presets according to the joint activity being considered : "business meeting" " joint work project" "chat at the bus stop" "summer romance" " PTA event team" "best friends for life" "workout buddies" "soul mate" "teacher & student" "marriage partner", "Facebook friend" etc etc. There would probably need to be an adapter and a different algorithm for groups, and the task at hand, leader or follower, with leadership style and whether the activity is voluntary or paid as an extra check box.
If we could just swipe our data and get a green light or a red light and agree to abide by the advice given, with no conversation, would there be less misery and depression in the world ?
I can think of a few instances in the past few years where I would have been less hurt and made very different life decisions if I'd had one of these. When we meet new people, I think we choose to see the things we have in common, and the things like about them first in the hope of making a new friend.
People usually show you their best face first, and it's only after you have invested quite a bit of time in the relationship (romantic or platonic ) that they relax enough to show you their true self in all it's glory and vice versa. At this point if all goes well, you still have enough SAMEs on aggregate to forgive or ignore the DIFFERENTs and deepen your friendship, but occasionally a DIFFERENT that has been hidden until now is too big for both or worse, only one of you, and we then have a huge drama of rejection hurt and depression to deal with. Blame gets flung around when no one has really done anything wrong. If you'd just known in advance about the big DIFFERENT, it could all have been avoided.
That's life, you may cry. Perhaps it's getting older or part of the midlife crisis of an gaijin in Japan, but I just don't feel like I have time to waste this kind of thing any more. And I don't like how cynical and wary that makes me sound, when I actually am the biggest softy out. I guess I could just do with an instant soul mate right now.
So in the absence of the machine I need, I'm envious of the simple instinct the dogs possess to sort these issues out in an instant and move on.
But if I had it, would I just then have to face a worse truth: that really there is no one else quite like me??
Maybe better to enjoy the illusion of the possibility of a perfect future?
Sigh. Sorry there's no point if you made if to the end.
This is not about justifying being fat. If the writer of the e-mail was truly just enjoying making someone else feel bad, then he or she can fuck off, plain and simple. End of story. But let's assume there was some kind of well meaning intent for someone's benefit....I've heard the "she's not aware of it, and someone should do her the favour of letting her know" argument many times.
Whatever the reason is that someone is different, pointing that out to them and everyone else can never have a positive effect. Empathy, kindness and support is the best way to help someone overcome a problem, if that is really your goal. If you seriously think they are happy and deluding themselves that they are not different, and you are actually in some way doing them a favour by letting them know, then I seriously think you are very stupid.
Whether or not obesity, being gay, having acne, or any of the other things people regularly persecute each other about are choices, on the same level that religion, or politics, or career, or what shoes to buy or what TV show to watch are choices, may be a reason for a whole other discussion, in which clearly I would argue that it is far from as simple as that; but OK, for arguments's sake, let's even go down the bullies' route for a second and assume that it is.....judging people negatively for not making the choices that you do is your prerogative. Just please remember how you felt the last time you made a decision or choice which in the end turned out not to be in your own best interest. How did that make you feel? On top of feeling like an ass for having been your own worst enemy, would it have been pleasant to have your so called friends continue to remind you of your stupidity, and furthermore point out to you that everyone else may be affected by it as well, usually based on assumptions and misinformation anyway? Or do real friends wait until you want to talk to them about the actual facts of your situation, until you ask for their input and then give your their advice in a supportive manner?
Perhaps there are some people in the world who can take truly personal negative criticism like this in stride and say " You know you're right, I really must do better" without being depressed and hurt or losing what little self esteem they had, and if you're one of them, then yay you! You're amazing. Maybe everyone should be like you. But we're not.
Does this sound a little defensive? Funny that, you get a little defensive when you perceive you are being attacked.
Aha! I hear your cry, being fat and being gay are not the same. It comes down to choice. Fuck off, I say to you. Whether or not it is a choice is not the point. You have a right to tell me that I am fat and laugh about it, I suppose. I have a right to tell you to fuck off in response and call you a bigoted ass, and a right to be as fat as I bloody well please.
Personally I'd really rather it hadn't come to all that though, because you know what, as you say, it's not all about rights, but choices. We could all also make the choice to be kind and polite to each other, and not point out each others failings unbidden, and I believe the writer of this e-mail's choice not to make that choice has created a lot more negative energy in the world for more people, than my or this woman's choice not to go to the gym more often on days that we could have.
Yes, I too am overweight. So yes, this strikes a chord with me, but you know the reasons/excuses for my weight, and the choices I make regarding whether that changes, and how easy they are for me to make are not the point here. Even if I am defensive and oversensitive on this issue, and even if I am in fact the chief instrument of my own destruction, that does not make it OK for anyone else to willfully make me feel worse than I already do.
I can only imagine the amount of courage and mental energy it took for this woman to stand up on TV and answer her bullies. Well done! And well done to her friends, family and colleagues who stood up for her.
Everyone hurts other people's feeling occasionally by accident, ( including me with astonishing regularity) and we should always take that into account, and try to have the thickest skin we can, but that is not what happened here. It was a conscious decision and planned action with the goal of telling someone else how to live their life.
A small new moment of Japanese quirkiness today.
We have all seen these neighbourhood rubbish cage thingies around the place, but have you ever wondered what they are called?
We were walking the dog this morning and for some reason the label caught Y's eye. The official name is apparently "wannyanka" which directly translated means "woof miaow caw", ostensibly because they protect the rubbish from dogs cats and crows.
Fantastic name that reflects the inconsistencies of life in Japan. Anal retentiveness of Olympic proportions meets absolute hilarity! Excellent!
Hmmm. I've had a couple of years' foray into the sound bite worlds of twitter and Facebook and also that elusive thing called "real life", and have neglected the blogs while entertained in those pockets of existence.
Twitter is Twitter and it has it's place, and those who pooh pooh generally havent done it "right", and Facebook has been my lifeline to real friendships during phases of unavoidable obligations, but I miss the personal catharsis of blogging, whether it is to sound off and relieve a niggling stress point, or to sort something out in your own mind, or to simply provide a record of happy times. Of course you can do that on FB or twitter too, and more so on my more recently discovered platform: blipfoto, but those places seem much more like a playground with all the politics and melodrama of human relationships up for show, and the danger of tone of type misinterpretation is fraught!
Blogging seems a more personal and somehow more private form of release.
Despite its public nature. Maybe that's just me with head up my own bum though.
Anyway, I've found the blogger app for iPhone now, so I might give it another try. I've a lot of pent up frustrations at the moment though, so it might be a bit venty for a while. Maybe I shouldn't bother....
Who knows? Watch this space... Just testing, testing, one, two, three....
Here's a pic of my girlies at the weekend, just to see how that works, too.
Weechan brought this back from her adventure in the Botanic Gardens specially for me. Cute!
Apple Store iPad madness in Ginza from our weekend in Tokyo last week. I so have to have one. Still holding out though.
Cover photo for M's first album?
I'm sure I've been so crap lately that no-one ever looks at this any more anyway, but just in case....
The PTA stuff and work stuff and Facebook and Twitter addictions have led to major backlog on the blogging front, as it always seems much easier to do a quick real time status update than a full blog post. I still hold out the hope, maybe in the summer holidays hat I will catch up and get back into the rhythm soon, but in the meantime, I have found a new addiction to add to the above.
It's caled Blipfoto. The premise is that you upload one photo a day. And it has to have been taken on that day, so the result should be a true photo journal. I kind of like this having to choose one moment of your day to share. The restriction of it makes you think through what defined your day.
It is also a site used many real photography enthusiasts, and some of the images by others are truly stunning, and there is a general positive feel to the community. I joined after watching a friend's entries for a few months, in the hope that it might make me actually learn how to use my camera to better effect, and to get back to the basics of what this blog was meant to be about: a daily record of our family for my mum and sister in Scotland, and for M when she grows up and wants to look back.
Watch this space, but if you want to know what we're up to, please check out :
I have just hoovered my entire house and washed my floor by my good self for the first time in over a year and this has led me to want to say a few things.
1) To the person, who when confronted with the suggestion that white flooring tiles would be a stylish way to finish off the simple modern look of my living room the size of a small aeroplane hanger said "Yes Jax, that is a great idea!": I know where you live and I am coming to find you, and show you what we do in Scotland to people who do bad things.
2) I think I have just, in one morning, burned off all the calories I would have used had I actually gone to the gym I have been paying the ¥10,000 monthly subscription for for the past 6 months.
3) To Mika Tanaka, who has been doing this job for me once a week for the past year, with the excuse that I am a working mother who also is the commandant for the PTA and couldn't possibly do it myself I'm so busy (!?): remind me to pay you a million yen a week, it would be worth it, despite the fact that you unreasonably demanded 2 weeks off at the only time of the year when I have parties and actually need the house to be clean. (Please no-one actually tell her I said this)
4) To the person who invented that white stuff that looks like polystyrene fire lighters but actually removes grime without even touching it: may you find your reward in heaven where you will be serviced eternally by women who had to wash their own white floors for entire marriages before they died.
5) To Mairi and Yasu: may you enjoy the rest of the meals of your lives, which will be served outside on the balcony from now on, in all weathers and seasons, where you will not be able to dirty my floor.
6) To my employers: thank you for making it possible for me to justify not washing my own floor every week.
7) If that is the amount of dirt and yuch that came of my white floor that gets washed once a week , god knows how disgusting the floors are downstairs, which thankfully are not are not white, therefore I can't see the dirt, therefore obviously I don't have to wash them.
8) To Mr Dyson: there were amazing attachments in the bag that I hadn't even known existed. See point 4). It was almost as good as my Watashi no Heya Lucky Bag.
OK, now I've got all that off my chest, I'll wish you a happy new year, and express my intent to speak less shite on facebook and twitter in 2010, and try and update the blogs instead, since the intent was for my daughter to have a record of her early years, and 2009 was a bit of a blank.
Oh well...best laid plans....
And no-one come round for a while to dirty my floor.
