FAT RANT

You go girl. 

This is not about justifying being fat. If the writer of the e-mail was truly just enjoying making someone else feel bad, then he or she can fuck off, plain and simple. End of story. But let's assume there was some kind of well meaning intent for someone's benefit....I've heard the "she's not aware of it, and someone should do her the favour of letting her know" argument many times.

Whatever the reason is that someone is different, pointing that out to them and everyone else can never have a positive effect. Empathy, kindness and support is the best way to help someone overcome a problem, if that is really your goal. If you seriously think they are happy and deluding themselves that they are not different, and you are actually in some way doing them a favour by letting them know, then I seriously think you are very stupid. 

 Whether or not obesity, being gay, having acne, or any of the other things people regularly persecute each other about are choices, on the same level that religion, or politics, or career, or what shoes to buy or what TV show to watch are choices, may be a reason for a whole other discussion, in which clearly I would argue that it is far from as simple as that; but OK, for arguments's sake, let's even go down the bullies' route for a second and assume that it is.....judging people negatively for not making the choices that you do is your prerogative. Just please remember how you felt the last time you made a decision or choice which in the end turned out not to be in your own best interest. How did that make you feel? On top of feeling like an ass for having been your own worst enemy, would it have been pleasant to have your so called friends continue to remind you of your stupidity, and furthermore point out to you that everyone else may be affected by it as well, usually based on assumptions and misinformation anyway? Or do real friends wait until you want to talk to them about the actual facts of your situation, until you ask for their input and then give your their advice in a supportive manner?

 Perhaps there are some people in the world who can take truly personal negative criticism like this in stride and say " You know you're right, I really must do better" without being depressed and hurt or losing what little self esteem they had, and if you're one of them, then yay you! You're amazing. Maybe everyone should be like you. But we're not.

Does this sound a little defensive? Funny that, you get a little defensive when you perceive you are being attacked.

Aha! I hear your cry, being fat and being gay are not the same. It comes down to choice. Fuck off, I say to you. Whether or not it is a choice is not the point. You have a right to tell me that I am fat and laugh about it, I suppose. I have a right to tell you to fuck off in response and call you a bigoted ass, and a right to be as fat as I bloody well please.

Personally I'd really rather it hadn't come to all that though, because you know what, as you say, it's not all about rights, but choices. We could all also make the choice to be kind and polite to each other, and not point out each others failings unbidden, and I believe the writer of this e-mail's choice not to make that choice has created a lot more negative energy in the world for more people, than my or this woman's choice not to go to the gym more often on days that we could have.

Yes, I too am overweight. So yes, this strikes a chord with me, but you know the reasons/excuses for my weight, and the choices I make regarding whether that changes, and how easy they are for me to make are not the point here. Even if I am defensive and oversensitive on this issue,  and even if I am in fact the chief instrument of my own destruction, that does not make it OK for anyone else to willfully make me feel worse than I already do.

I can only imagine the amount of courage and mental energy it took for this woman to stand up on TV and answer her bullies. Well done! And well done to her friends, family and colleagues who stood up for her. 

Everyone hurts other people's feeling occasionally by accident, ( including me with astonishing regularity) and we should always take that into account, and try to have the thickest skin we can, but that is not what happened here. It was a conscious decision and planned action with the goal of telling someone else how to live their life. 

I will never be in favour of that.

So there. Rant over.